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swEEtPEAches_881
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Gender: Female
Interests: creative writing, puffy painting, deco-coloring, foam lettering, harry potter, SMaLLviLLe.. and haha KK, hilary duff, and as they term it being a "tween"...me and my teenie bopper self (gay)
Message: message me
Member Since:
6/17/2003
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moving is like...stepping into a new chapter of your life. i
realize now that i have moved three times within the past three years,
once every year. its weird because two contradictory facts hold:
1. you never know how much stuff you have until you have to move and 2.
you realize that your everyday essentials, that is everything that you
need to get you through the day fit in exact ONE
backpack/purse/bag. that's right, one. it's such a nomadic
feeling, as though you have no permanent home. no permanent
identity. as if one day, you could run away and fit 20 years of
your life in a single bag.
when relocating and transporting things back and forth between
apartments, i felt as though i kinda just shoved pieces of my life into
boxes and suitcases, in a hurry as though wanting so badly, out...and
now im unpacking and trying to piece back together the fragmented
bits i threw in the now torn-and-fraill cardboard boxes. some
things i can store away just fine. others, take time to situate. and
then there are those great losses. either having been
accidentally tossed away or misplaced. either way, now they are
missing.
its driving me insane looking for two essentials of my everyday
life. the sentimental value, memory and comfort of these items
are priceless...and now lost. maybe it's a sign to let go of
things from the past. idk how exactly i'll do without...and i
can't believe i let myself be careless enough to lose them in the first
place. well regardless, i have this lingering, longing feeling to find
them once
again. i know what just about anyone else would say...buy them
anew, but i really don't want to, i'd rather be without. im
hoping they will turn up shortly, because im not yet ready to let go of
the past...just quite yet.
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| Finals Week.
What amuses me the most at this time of the year is not my own
delirium, but rather the delirium of others. For all those
intense crammers, a combination of the last week of instruction and
later finals induces debauchery and drunken times ONE last time before
the year ends. What totally made my, technically morning was
coming home from the library to drunken neighbors Thursday night,
dressed, ready, and apparently already pre-partied out. Can you
imagine the hilarity of getting ready to open your gate when perfect
strangers pop out in front of you, raising their hands as if yearning a
high five, shouting "Baby girl, Kips?" hahha...the hilarity. if i
weren't dead tired and in sweats and grubby clothes, i might have taken
him up on the offer, and partied the night out... haha no, who am i
kidding? i've given up my drunken days, my past. I think I
seriously spent half of my Friday nights home this semester. A
self-proclaimed Serena van der Woodsen? Perhaps...haha, but even
somethings in Miss. Used-to-be-a-Badass never change. Not that we
compare on the same context, but you get the point.
It's Saturday night. In two days Moffitt will open 24 hours,
somewhere between then and end of finals, the streakers will...well, do
there thing. The library will fill with people foaming at the mouth and
tearing at their hair, flipping pages frantically. Others will
watch whole seasons of something new they aren't accustomed to, to pass
the time. Some, as aforementioned may...indulge just a little bit
too excessively.
Exciting time of year, not. And then it will all wind down.
I'm coming to the realization that I've spent 6 semesters here already,
and that my third year is coming to a close as we speak; there is
only ONE year left...in college. Excuse the profanity, but I'm
scared shitless, regardless I guess I'll just have to make the most of
it.
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| if there are two things i've learned from being at cal, then it's respective:
1. professors inspire. students aspire.
there are 20,000 students at berkeley. YOU are just a number amongst 20,000.
"To really succeed at Cal, you need to stop being a number, step out and start being a PERSON."- Professor B. Abrams
2. Our university's system works on the level of a bureaucracy.
(And we can definitely use the rest of our lives to play that
up). But everything all that we do, all that we've learned has
been self-motivated, self-inspired, I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T living and
independent paths. we live on our own. nothing is spoon-fed
to us. that's one perk of a public university.
this entry is written in lieu of Berkeley's 140 years of
community. happy birthday! hahah... Inspite of its hardships,
labors, and difficulties, I've never been so proud to be a california
golden bear.
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| cliche as it sounds, it's true.
"life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get."- Forrest Gump.
so im sitting here not concentrating due to lack of focus when i should
be studying cell biology by the minute. in some attempt for
inspiration i receive this comment:
onebiggerarm: i'm listening to solopianoradio.com
onebiggerarm: that helps me
sweetpeaches881: hahaha ok
sweetpeaches881: ill try it
sweetpeaches881: classical music helps me inspire to be intellectual
sweetpeaches881: LOL
onebiggerarm: yes
onebiggerarm: do it
sweetpeaches881: hahaahahah jeez premeds
sweetpeaches881: i should really take advice from you guys
too bad the link failed =(.
i think my mind is on too many things right now. you know the
typical junior year mid-college crisis where you don't
know-where-you're-gonna-go-in-a-year-what-path-you-should-take-and-what-you're-going-to-do-and-
when-you-are-going-to-apply-to-schools. yeah..that. just that
exactly. kinda poured that out, exactly the way i felt it. life
is so full of decisions. i hate anticipation and
uncertainty....it kills.
anywho, that should be the least of my worries. everytime now
that i stress and concern over what the future entails, i think of a
true tragedy. think about how terribly unfortunate it is to lose
BOTH of your parents on the same day due to the 9-1-1 disaster.
what is the likelihood? can you imagine just what the chances are
that one of your parents working in the Twin Towers and the other
working in the Pentagon at one moment in time a few minutes apart are
both victimized? what is the probably that you would lose both of
your parents in the same day? i can't even begin to
calculate. all while you are still in the midst of college...how
tragic is that? How will you deal with the rest of life, how
traumatized would you be, how do you cope, and most importantly, how do
you deal? Move on? continue college? SURVIVE?
I guess another cliche proves true, "what doesn't kill YOU, only makes
you stronger." overcome obstacles and dealing with life is just the way
you have to move on...
in essence, i guess you just gotta "keep on truckin'," eh?
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| it is agonizing to watch a grown man cry, even if it is for just a
second. in that one moment, with tears streaming down his red,
wet face, every fiber of your own existing being freezes for one
second, completely held in shock and with utter sympathy and feel for
this other human being.
with all your heart you want to give them some form of comfort, some
form of consolance. but i was restricted by the fact that he was
a complete stranger. or more or less, i feared. i should've
reached out to him when i could've. instead i stood there, simply wide-eye
starred as we both walked past each other. i have not a single
clue what he was lamenting, or who he was, what type of person he was.
but that one moment, i wanted to just let him know...that everything
would be ok. life goes on.
i suppose the purpose of me wasting precious midterm study time to
write this entry was the realization of two things: 1. we are all in
some sense, no matter our physical appearance, inner character, face or
shape- natural human beings. we feel, we pain, we cry. 2.
life doesn't stop for you, not for one minute, no matter the
situation. people may empathize, but you must move forward.
3. in spite of how often i play off my lack of feeling and emotion for
everything and everyone, i too....am human.
what does it mean to be ONLY human?...
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